How Do I Tell Him I Want a Divorce?

This could possibly be one of the toughest questions I have ever received, but I am going to do my best to try to give you some of my thoughts and suggestions.

First of all, is your husband aware of your unhappiness? Does he have any idea of what could be coming? If not, I don’t think I would come right out and ask for a divorce. In this case, I would try talking to him. I would start with, “Would it be possible for you and I to sit down and talk about our relationship? I am feeling unhappy and unfulfilled in our marriage, and I want to hear how you are feeling.”

This way, you get to see where his head is, based on his reaction. If he gets upset and starts screaming at you, then he is obviously unhappy, as well. If he is utterly shocked, then maybe he will be up for talking once he absorbs what is happening. I mean, is there any way you’d consider trying to work it out if he was on board with that? He also might say, “I am unhappy, too,” and it could lead to some productive communication.

I will say this. People always say marriage is hard, and I agree. Sort of. It’s not really hard, but it is hard work. What I mean by that, is (and this isn’t just for marriage, but for any relationship) the two people have to be committed to keeping it alive, keeping it sexy, keeping it honest, staying best friends, and that is done through good communication.

In a marriage, the marriage HAS TO BE your number one priority in life. It needs to be nurtured, like you never want it to die. It needs to be fed. What that means is both people making sure the other is happy, sticking by that person when they are sick or in a bad place, being happy for the person and showing support when things are good, and of course, making sure the other always knows he or she is loved and that you have their back. It’s not easy because it takes effort. But it IS easy if you want to make that effort.

Now, let’s say you are so past this point. You are done. The two of you have talked until you are blue in the face and in your mind, there’s no going back. So, how do you tell him you want a divorce?

Gently. Kind. And in a caring way. But, the fact remains that whatever words you use will undoubtedly translate to “I want a divorce.” Examples: “I think I might want a divorce,” “I think we should talk about our future,” “I’m not happy.” “I think I might want to separate.” “I think we should take some time apart.” He will interpret all of these things as “I want a divorce.”

It will hurt him, shock him, destroy the ground beneath him. And that is so so very sad, but the reality is, every divorce started with someone saying those words.

One more thing. The fact that you wrote to me and asked me, “How do I tell him I want a divorce,” shows me that you care. If you didn’t, you’d have already done it and you wouldn’t want my advice. That says a lot.

So, ask yourself if you are sure about this, or if you think the two of you might be able to get back the love you once had. Maybe instead of “I want a divorce,” you could try, “I want to work on our marriage?”

Constantly Fighting About Money With Your Spouse?

Does this conversation sound familiar?

Wife: “Honey, I need money.”

Husband: “What for?”

Wife: “What do you mean, ‘What for?’ To pay bills!”

Husband: “I’ve never seen anyone spend more money than you.”

Wife: “Stop being so cheap.”

Husband: “All I do is work to make money and all you do is spend!”

Wife: “What about raising your children? Who does that?!”

Husband: “I’m just saying, could you try to spend less and save more?”

Wife: “You’re clueless. You have no idea how much things cost.”

It’s a well known fact that the number one reason couples fight is money. But, according to Elaine Koby Moss, discussing finances with your spouse doesn’t have to feel like you’re in a boxing ring with gloves on.

Moss, who is a vice-president at the Chicago investment advisory firm, Vestor Capital,has spent the last 25 years in the financial industry and has worked with hundreds of couples to alleviate fear, stress and conflict when it comes to financial planning and saving.

I asked Moss why money is such a big issue of contention in some relationships and she gave three reasons:

1). Couples are coming together at an older age. Both parties are coming to the table with assets of their own, which is a change from generations past when couples formed at younger ages and built their wealth together. This causes both men and women to be more guarded and less willing to co-mingle funds in some cases.

2). One person might be earning significantly more or all of the family’s income. The imbalance can cause conflict because of resentment.

3). There might be differences in spending and/or saving habits. People come to a relationship with very different backgroundsand philosophies in regards to saving and spending. One person might be more of an investment risk taker, the other might prefer conservative investments. Sometimes it’s hard to understand the other’s rationale behind their investment choices.

The ultimate truth about men and not only.

Until now, I’ve written and written various articles about men. I’ve classified them, placing them by categories and I’ve created different stereotypes, in order to please each of you, men or women. But you know what? There is no universal truth!

There are no categories of men; there are neither angels nor neither daemons, neither good nor bad. Men are just people, just like us, women. We tend to believe that somewhere, somebody did a great list about all their attributes and mistakes, knowing much more than ordinary people do and that he hidden it deeply, into an old cave or into an ancient book. We want to believe it, because this gave us hope and makes us to have greater expectations and desires, in our search for the right man. We like to see a guy on the street and think: “He has green eyes. I read that men with green eyes are romantic, serious, but also day dreamers. Maybe he is not for me. I want a responsible, down to earth guy, to marry me and make some intellectual children like the couple next door.” We don’t say it loud, but we create a mental itinerary, establishing our destiny, as it would be written in the pages of a magazine. We build imaginary patterns of happiness and fulfillment and try to respect word by word the advice of a so called “love expert”, considering that he knows for sure the ultimate truth about men; that he could be one of those who found the ancient book of love.

Well, it’s not quite like this and you know it, I’m sure. Deep in your soul, you posses everything you need to know about men, but when it comes about romance and the perfect date, you just loose your self confidence, preferring to follow some stereotypical lines in order not to be wrong. But are you aware that 80% of women do the same as you? And that a man is forced to hear the same stories and phrases from almost every woman they meet?

Each imitates somehow the other. We see a beautiful women or a woman who has a successful marriage and ask her: “What’s your secret? How do you keep him interested in you?” And she answers: “Well, I tell him how much I love him 10 times a day, I cook for him, I know to recreate the first magical moments in our lives…” and so on. But maybe not all men like to hear 10 times a day “I love you.” Or maybe he doesn’t want you to cook for him, as he prefers to take you out to dinner. Maybe he doesn’t like so much the way you cook. Or maybe he prefers Italian or Chinese food, which you don’t know so well to prepare.

I will repeat myself. There is no universal truth about men, as they are so complex beings. Each man will be perceived differently by each woman who stays next to him. For example, a hilarious guy may seem amusing for a lady, but fool for another. What about the way in which we, women, should behave in the presence of a man? Did you ever though that men can be bored of “reading” the same lines taken from magazines on the lips of every woman? You hear everywhere that you should seem a little bit mysterious and cold, being dressed in a certain way….But maybe the man you’re seeing with, even if it is for the first time, will be more attracted by you if you’re honest, saying him the pure truth: “Excuse me, I have a lot of problems, so I can’t focus very well on our discussion, but I will try to do everything I can, because I’m interested to find out more.” You won’t look desperate; you will rather seem even more relaxed and natural. Maybe you are not so confident regarding the way in which you chosen your outfit.

The magazines will tell you to look always self confident and to keep your head up. But maybe, if you really don’t feel so good, it would be better to tell him: “I’m not sure about the way in which my clothes fit me. More than that, I’m not very comfortable also. These heels are killing me, but I wanted to look a little bit taller;” and to laugh after. Would it be wrong? He will appreciate your humor and the fact that you accept your defects and he will even compliment you.

There are no “10 Tips to seduce him” or “How to flirt with him in the right way”, there is only you and him. And the connection that can or can not be established between you. You can use as many “expert” techniques to make him be with you, but it will all be in vain if there isn’t that “quelque chose”/ “je ne sais quoi” between you. Each people, either it’s about a woman or a man, has a certain light that can be seen only by certain persons. Even if you are the most beautiful, intelligent and stunning woman in all matters, you could be nothing for a man, if that something special is missing. Of course, after making the first steps, the love must be maintained and cared. But this doesn’t involve all kind of tricks & tips; it all must come from the inside.

You should do whatever you feel. Maybe today all you want is to say him nice words of love. Maybe tomorrow you won’t feel so good and your words will sound forced; in this case, you don’t have to say anything, just be sincere and share some memories or whatever you able to say, with him.

And sometimes even the most unsuccessful dates aren’t the result of your actions, so nobody can be blamed. Without that chemistry, all the stereotypes in the world will be just some clichés. The perfect woman or the perfect man is inside you, being part of you. And the loved one will know where to find it, offering in turn his best side.

Essential Signs that he's interested in you

It was already demonstrated and documented in numerous studies that the body language is very important, if not vital to identify what really thinks and feel a person. The body language reading can be very efficient for certain areas of activity and especially when it comes about relationships.

There are some very direct signs you can look for, that show the interest or the lack of interest of a person.

He's interested if:

Apparently, the cards are in your favor if the man you put your eyes on offers you a triple look: he looks once, he looks twice and then he keeps the eye contact or smiles you. It's also a good sign if he corrects his body posture with confidence or if he puts his fingers in the pocket, a subconscious gesture used to show you the area of his masculinity.

If he comes to you walking like a fierce male and then, when he starts talking to you, he closes your personal space by creating a place between the two of you- he touches your arm when he speaks- then you don't have to worry about, he's already yours.

He is shy but he's surely interested if he moves up and down his fingers on a glass, expecting for you to confirm what he just said and to discuss about something that you're both interested in.

You can consider that you're one step closer to form a couple with the man of your dreams, even if it's just a night dream, when he uses the "firewall" against the other men. He perceives them as potential competitors. When he does this, he practically moves closer and protects you from the other's curiosity by using his upper part of the body as a shield. He won't look in the room in search of others attractive women, because his attention will be focused totally on you.

He's not interested if:

Men also sent some signs that express his lack of interest in you.

For example, if his look flies away ever time when the door opens, even if you're in the middle of a conversation, it's not a good sign. It means that his interest is only partial and that he keeps his options open, in case an attractive woman appears.

If he asks you a question and when you're about to answer him, he changes the topic, it's better to stop the conversation right there, because he's not so interested in your person as you thought.

Also, if his legs are not directed to you when you're sitting down, he searches unconsciously a way out. Don't give him your phone number if he asks you for it just because the situation requires it. This means that he just wants to be sure he has a date on Saturday night, in case there won't be other options.

Find an excuse and get out, find someone who really wants to know you better. Don't ignore your intuition and be as rational as you can when you read a man's body language and only then start thinking further.

Relationship Advice

It requires two to make a relationship successful and hence, both the partners may take initiatives in working out the problems in a relation to make it successful. Time to time, we all need relationship advices. There is no shame in asking for help when you are facing difficulties in a relation. Relationship advices from experts thus can help you saving your relation.

Following are relationship saving advices that can be followed everyday to make successful relation.

Men and women can face different set of problems in a relationship and hence, there are different set of relationship advices available for men and women respectively. However, before applying relationship advices one is required to analyze the problems in relationship. If you are facing problems in analyzing your situation asking for professional help and counseling can also help you in understanding your situation better. 

Relationship advices for women

Analyze the problem: Before you react you may take time in analyzing your problem. The problem can either be with you or your partner. If the problem is with you try and change yourself. If the problem is with your partner, try to talk and solve the problem with your partner.

Understand the signs: Try to learn the signs of interest of your partner. If the guy is serious about the relationship he will take more interest in discussing about the future, will introduce your to his family etc. If he is not then he will try to avoid such discussions. It is the woman’s duty to pick up the signs.

Allow space: Men love their independence and hence, a relationship often goes weary when women try to hold on to their men. Allow your men some space. He will appreciate if you don’t want to take him with you everywhere.

Understand your partner: Men aren’t as conversational as women are and hence, they may leave many things unspoken. But silent resentment can often lead to relationship disasters. Spend more time in understanding your partner.

Relationship advices for men

Understand your woman: Woman, unlike man, value emotional intimacy. They demand emotional dependency from their men. Understand the requirement of your woman. Give her time. Plan some activities that you both can enjoy together. This will help her feel secured.

Analyze your problem: Before jumping into action or taking some hasty decision, sit and talk with your partner. If necessary you may also try to seek professional help. Relationship experts can help you finding solution for your problem.

Make your demands: It would be wrong to guess that your partner will understand all your unspoken needs. Hence, speaking out your desires will help in building a successful relationship.

Often in a relationship you’d need to make many adjustments. It is also important to learn to forgive and forget to make a relationship successful. However, there can also be situations when you must learn to let go of things and prepare yourself to turn a new leaf in life.